Dedicated to International Women’s Day #choosetochallenge 2021
9 min read
I find quotes to be extremely motivating. Which, if you think about it, is kind of odd…considering that they are just words that someone else said in a certain way that stuck…and made sense.
To you.
To me, it is equally (if not even more) important to know who said them. The reputation behind the person who actually thought up and spoke (or wrote) that word combination gives them extra sticky sticking power.
My favourite go-to quotes come from a range of key people that I hold in a high and respectful place…Helen Keller, Maya Angelou, Eleanor Roosevelt, Robin Williams AND (of course) Brené Brown…to name just a few. But, every day, with the joyous abundant sharing power of the internet I am happily showered with more, and more, and MORE…words of motivation.
I just LOVE words.
In the lead up to this year’s International Women’s Day my networks have been sharing a menagerie of new-to-me inspirational quoted gems from current powerhouse voices and I am EATING THEM UP…as I do…and there is one in particular of recent, that really stuck on impact…it reads:
“Suffering is universal. But victimhood is optional.”
These simple seven words, stopped me. I kept thinking…universal? Like, what does that even mean…everyone? Really? Does everyone suffer? Like, the same?
I got all serious, and “thinky”…which truly isn’t my favourite place to be. This was a tough statement, packing a lot of punch in its short and defined delivery.
The voice behind these words is Dr. Edith Eger and, until now, I had never heard of her…or so I thought. Her story behind this statement is where more questions began to unravel. For me.
As a teenager Dr. Eger survived the unthinkable. In 1944 she was a Jew living in Nazi-occupied Eastern Europe. Her and her family were sent to Auschwitz, and her parents were killed in the gas chambers. I have yet to read her full story but as far as I understand Dr. Eger is alive today partly because of her bravery and also because on May 4, 1945 (roughly one year after being captured) a young American soldier noticed her hand moving slightly amongst a number of dead bodies, and rescued her. His quick, attentive thinking saved her life.
I can’t even imagine what the year leading up to her rescue was like and, equally so, it is difficult to even try to process the horrific things that she must have faced but, in a stupid way, I could, and I can relate…to her words, and her story. And that’s exactly where my brain went and got even more confused.
Universal suffering? Again, really? What the….
How can I ever begin to compare my experience of captivity, my small story of being a missing person for nine days at the age of 21 to a 16-year-old’s 365+ days of forcible genocide-driven imprisonment? Is it fair, and even possible to compare suffering? …and, don’t even get me started on the victimhood analysis…
I just can’t…
I first discovered Dr. Eger’s quote after digging a bit further into a recent post promoting a podcast where Brené Brown interviewed Dr. Eger. I really had to read it a few times…or so… and my stubborn “what do you know about my life” side REALLY wanted to disagree with what Dr. Eger said. However, its bigger meaning stuck to me. Hard. Because, in my reality my experience of being alive today is also similarly attributable to the uber-observant, quick-thinking actions of an officer-of-the-law. And further, in my reality, my captivity experience was also overflowing with details in the horrible unthinkable experience department…to say the least.
My point in all of this is not to compare who had it worse. One just can’t. My thinking went instantly to my cerebral comparative analysis section as a subconscious reaction. THAT immediate reaction is what I wanted to figure out. THAT is my point.
So I pushed my thinking to a bigger picture view. And the conclusion I came to is that Dr. Eger is right.
In one way or another we all experience suffering. Bad things happen in our lives and, those bad things cause suffering. We typically don’t have a choice when it comes to the bad things that happen as they are typically a surprise. (yaaaaaaaayyyyy us…) But, what we do have is a choice in how we move forward…in the aftermath. At least that’s how I see it. And that is how I made sense of Dr. Eger’s statement.
From personal experience, it…this moving forward stuff, is not easy. As cliché as it sounds, we do the best we can with what we have. I haven’t…and I don’t… always make the best choices. My journey towards healing from all the past captivity crap is still very much ongoing…29 years later.
What I do agree with, is that the healing starts within ourselves. We have the control. We have to make the choice to take care of ourselves.
Support is also key, but finding your community…your support networks, is work…and, is also NOT easy. From my empathy-filled top three besties, to random (and rare) like-minded colleagues, to pricey psychological professionals, to the Vancouver Detective that just “got me”….to MY MOM (sigh…..) on this ever-evolving path of life, I know (usually…) that there are others that care, and want me to succeed.
My support network typically has been comprised of a good balance of women and men and, I typically enjoy celebrating International Women’s Day (IWD) by attending varied gatherings celebrating achievements by women in my community with these networks. I dug a little into the history of IWD and, was pleasantly surprised to learn that this annual day of celebrating women was first honoured in 1911 in Austria, Denmark, Germany and Switzerland. Further, it was really powerful to hear that on that launching day more than one million women (and men) attended IWD rallies campaigning for women’s rights to work, vote, be trained, hold public office and end discrimination.
I repeat, this happened in 1911.
Just. Wow.
…and here we are, over 100 years later, on a similar path.
The theme for the 2021 IWD is #choosetochallenge.
“A challenged world is an alert world. Individually, we’re all responsible for our own thoughts and actions – all day, every day….and collectively, we can all help create an inclusive world,” says the 2021 IWD website.
Really. Honestly. Truly.
Just look to Dr. Eger….and all of the others that say so much, in their own words…through stories, and actions…in their own way.
To help. All of us.
To heal. To grow.
To live…and thrive.
Dr. Eger has made her life mission to help people to (in her words) “make the choice to heal and thrive”. In her psychology practice she combines her formal education with her insights gained from her own life challenges. In the last five years she (at 90+ years of age) has also written two books…to further her mission even more.
To me, her words are GOLD…and echo many of the sentiments that I already hold in high regard in my growing quote collection…a sampling of my favourites is below:
…re the DARKNESS of faking it
“All it takes is a beautiful fake smile to hide an injured soul, and they will never notice how broken you really are.” (Robin Williams)
…re the PAIN of keeping it inside
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” (Maya Angelou)
“The greatest sources of our suffering are the lies we tell ourselves.” (Dr. Bessel van der Kolk)
…re the importance of TAKING CARE of #1
“We need to do a better job of putting ourselves higher on our own ‘to do’ list,” (Michelle Obama)
…re the importance of finding YOUR PEOPLE
“I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone.” (Robin Williams)
“Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.” (Helen Keller)
…re the SCIENCE of our minds
“We are not thinking machines that feel, we are feeling machines that think.” (António R. Damásio)
“Neuroscience research shows that the only way we can change the way we feel is by becoming aware of our inner experience and learning to befriend what is going inside ourselves.” (Dr. Bessel van der Kolk)
…re the power of YOUR STORY
“Your story is what you have, what you will always have. It is something to own,” (Michelle Obama)
“When we deny our stories, they define us. When we own our stories, we get to write a brave new ending.” (Brené Brown)
“No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.” (Robin Williams)
…re the power of WOMEN
“There is nothing stronger than a broken woman who has rebuilt herself.” (Hannah Gadsby)
“We have to find a way to continue to lift other women up in our worlds and in our lives as much as possible,” (Michelle Obama)
…re the power of us ALL
“Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.” (Helen Keller)
Feeling inspired? Maybe motivated?
I’ll stop now, although I could go on…and on. But, do you see the pattern? The timeless messaging? The connection…and the path…and the synergy with the 2021 IWD theme, Choose to Challenge?
Could it really be that simple? Is it worth a try? For long-term impact?
I mentioned earlier that I wondered why I hadn’t heard of Dr. Eger before, but then I realized that I actually had. The connection came from my mom a few weeks ago…in a random text of the “this might interest you” variety. But, for whatever that reason, that text, that information share…just didn’t resonate, or stick…that day.
Sometimes we need to hear something again. And maybe again…and that’s ok.
Quotes from the voices that we trust make us feel like we are not alone…that someone else gets us…that they have been there. Or maybe simply, they just make us smile…and motivate us to do better.
One of my absolute favourite quotes does just that: “When you’re hungry, eat. When you’re tired, sleep.”
The author of these simple and poignant guiding words is someone who I probably push back against the most in my life, yet I hold in the HIGHEST regard as she always has my back…my mom. THESE words I have heard again, and again, and again…and again.
And maybe…just maybe, one day I will (consistently) listen…and her words, will stick.
On this International Women’s Day I challenge you to hear, embrace and celebrate those women (and men) that push you to be better.
And, of course eat, sleep…and smile.
We truly are all in this together.
#choosetochallenge (IWD 2021)
IT is life
IT changes…and that’s OK
IT is all OK
Credits, and Kudos!
2021 International Women’s Day
Dr. Edith Eger
Dr. Eger’s podcast with Brené Brown
António R. Damásio
Dr. Bessel van der Kolk
Brené Brown
Hannah Gadsby
Helen Keller
Maya Angelou
Michelle Obama
Robin Williams
Through stories and connections planITgirl’s goal is to help people who have been impacted by trauma to understand what trauma is, and how it may be impacting them…or someone they know.
The founder is a writer and speaker who strives to share her personal journey of living with trauma and PTSD in a forward-thinking, positive, professional and connective format.
If you feel (or care for someone who feels) lost, isolated, different, stuck and misunderstood, we hope the thoughts, stories and connections shared will resonate with you.